Last Time I Cried?

I remember watching some rom com with my ex-girlfriend once, I started laughing at the tender moment at the end. I think it was Never Been Kissed, where they guy doesn't show up at the baseball field, and Drew Barrymore is almost crying.

My girlfriend thumped me on the shoulder and said I was so mean and heartless. "I bet you have never ever cried" "I have" I said. "When I found my last Agility Orb in Crackdown" I was stuck on 499 / 500 for weeks. The map was huge in Crackdown and I was totally obsessed. I kept hearing that Orb sound even when I was taking a shower. But the final moment, it wasn't even up somewhere high, just behind a billboard, I cried. The relief was totally amazing.

Some Xbox 360 achievements make that impact. I know it's only a number, but it meant a lot to me. I cried also after Call of Duty Veteran, losing money on a football game and when I lost my horse in Oblivion. So there, I can cry.

For all those girls wondering why I was laughing at Drew Barrymore almost crying at the baseball field, waiting for her true love. It was because I was thinking to myself, wouldn't it be funny if Obi-Wan Kenobi ran down those steps rather than a wussy schoolteacher.

  

 

Grand Theft Auto 4: Time to Be Sick!

Grand Theft Auto 4 is nearly upon us and what a massive game it will be. I remember when Grand Theft Auto 3 : San Andreas came out and I took three days off sick from work, so I could play it. Every day I had to ring my boss and say I wasn't coming in due to a groin infection (I was being creative as not arouse too much suspicion mind you. He never asked any questions how I got it). Then as soon as I put the phone down, I was off to steal some rides and shoot gangsta's !

It was totally huge map, more than I expected and a landmark title that defined sandbox games today. The only tiny fault I found in the whole game was the save system. I do hope this time around we don't have to drive somewhere far to save or least create more save points. It was really annoying to fail a mission and having to drive all the way back to restart, then get involved in a gang warfare on the way, being chased by cops, get killed and your back at the hospital, way over the other side of town! 

Still, I cannot wait to start it. So if my boss is reading this, looks like that infection is coming back. 

Game Sent Straight Back

I did something today I have never ever done before. I sent a new Xbox 360 game back through the post before even taking it out of it's cover. A new game that I have never played before. 

Was it faulty? No. Was it a kids game that I would totally lose my street cred if I slung it inside my Xbox 360? No. In fact it was a really good game with excellent graphics, as I had seen the demo in a store. The reason I sent it back is because this game has a LOT of RANKED online achievements. Now how crazy (or sad) am I?

Lets put this into perspective. I spend a lot of time gaming. I write guides for a website about getting easy achievements. Online ranked is hard because there is an investment of time unless you boost with a friend, who also has to have the disc. Don't get me wrong, I love online gaming, especially co-op. But I suck at ranked matches. Plus a lot gamers get really, really serious with ranked matches.

Now I know I am really going to kick myself for sending it back , but there are hundreds of games out there and so little time. Sorry, Mr.Developer, I am in a middle of an achievement points battle (and countless other gamers too) and got no time for your little game.

Oh, yeah before I forget. The game was Burnout Revenge. Now I know I am going to regret sending it back.

Easy Xbox 360 achievements 

Xbox 720 Chaotic Launch

When the Xbox 720 comes out, or whatever they will call it, I will be there in the queue like I was when the Playstation 2 and the original Xbox came out. I didn't queue when the 360 came out as I had ordered it online. There was a backlog, a slight delay and it was a few weeks until it came to my front door. Not a total bad experience.

Now we all remember the chaotic scenes surrounding all the launches of these consoles. The fighting, the pushing and shoving. Now why would I rather queue, this time around than order online? Surely by the time the next new console comes out, ordering online would be a seamless effortless experience?

Yes, but I miss the atmosphere of a launch. The countdown and the people screaming and pushing. The "Hands off buddy, that's mine" friendliness. The "Back off and stop pushing dude" "Don't call me dude!" conversations. It will probably be a few years before a next console comes out, but I don't think the launches will ever change. Nor will I. I will be pushing and shoving like the rest of you lot.

New Game - Call of Halo!

Now I have known this all along. A study has shown that consumers tend to review a games' achievements before purchasing. Read the full article here.

Which brings me back to my point in my last post. How can a developer spend millions on developing a game but neglect to do some simple market research. Even the most effective research is entirely free. Where? Forums. Gamers talking about games. There are hundreds of Xbox 360 forums. What a perfect place to get an opinion from gamers who buy the games and precisely what they want in a game. Yet some developers seem to completely not bother with someone else's opinion then wonder why the game flops.

A lot of Xbox 360 gamers purchase a game simply because it has easy achievements. So if I were a developer, I would create a game with a ton of easy achievements. I'd forget about graphics, story or even game-play. Just rip off some other game and change the background. Name it Call Of Halo or something. Who cares, just as long you there are real easy achievements, and I will GUARANTEE  it will sell loads.

So who is going to help me and give me a million dollars...sorry...I mean INVEST a million dollars to help me develop this game? I take Visa or Mastercard, but I would prefer PayPal. 

Easy 360 Achievements

Impossible Achievements

I don't understand when game developers make almost impossible Xbox 360 achievements. I am talking about the ones that will never ever be achieved unless you are super human. 

Take Final Fantasy VII on the Xbox 360. Apparently NO ONE has the full 1000 (legit). The highest is 850 and god knows he must have put some hours into it. Check this out. I know someone who put in 20 hours without a single achievement in that game. 

Don't get me wrong. I do love a hard achievement. One of the hardest for me to achieve was Call of Duty Veteran. But why would they put in achievements that no one will ever achieve unless you spend three years playing solidly and nothing else. This is why I think Final Fantasy was never too popular on the Xbox 360. 

So what did the developers do. Make Blue Dragon and Lost Odyssey. Western versions of a Japanese RPG but less time consuming. So I guess that they finally realize on the Xbox 360, achievements  and time do enter in the decision making when purchasing a title. 

As for me, I have no street or gamer cred. Gonna rent The Spiderwick Chronicles tommorrow.

Easy 360 Achievements

Movie Licensed Games. Easy Achievements !

Most gamers steer well clear of movie licensed games. Dull and bad game-play and for a lot of the time, my personal pet hate, no 360 º camera  movement. They belong to PS2 and should never be classed as Next-Gen.

However, they do come in handy when you need to boost your Gamerscore overnight. They rarely come with online achievements, so you can play them offline without alerting your friends your playing Harry Potter,until you have knocked up 1000 points. They can also be very generous for dishing out points for like waving a wand 500 times. EASY.

Now we all know, that almost none of these games would see the light of day, if it wasn't for achievements. No one, other than anyone who hasn't started shaving yet, would buy these games. So these games list high on rental lists but very low on the buying lists.

So when I see The Spiderwick Chronicles or The Golden Compass at my local Blockbuster, and I suspect a lot of other achievement gamers do, I think....hmm maybe easy points. Games I would have NEVER EVER considered when I was playing the original Xbox or PS2, have entered my decision making.

So hopefully, I will be investing and opening a nation wide chain of Easy Achievement Rental Stores with it's own section "Desperate For Points? Movie Tie-Ins"

Easy Achievements

Define Easy.

Define easy. That's what I get in my mailbox from my other website sometimes. Granted, some games are more easy for others simply they are used to the controls or the game-play suits their style.

Take fighting games.  I totally suck at fighting games like Tekken or Dead Or Alive. I just button bash, and I suspect a lot of casual gamers like myself, are likely to do the same. It is because in the heat of the battle, I cannot remember the button combos. I always just bash X X X X X X, Y Y Y Y Y Y, sometimes never looking at the screen. 

A friend of mine lent me Dead Or Alive 4. He spent like over a week on it and could not get a single point. Challenged me to find ANY within 24 hours. Managed to get 130 in two hours. I cheated of course, but that's not my point. The point is, there is always some EASY achievements, if you know where to look. 

I always love RPG's. Especially if there is a money cheat where you can get a ton of money real easy then buy a ton of awesome weapons. Bash. Whack. The boss is owned in two strikes. EASY! Then an achievement pops. 

Zero Gamerscore Achievements!

Why do developers bother with achievements that give you zero points? For those who don't know what I am talking about, Xbox 360 games hand out achievements when you have completed a certain task or level, that add to your own personal Xbox 360 Gamerscore. Yet some games give you ZERO.

Honestly, what is the point. It is not even funny. Even 1 point is more useful and funny. But zero? It's not an achievement. It's like handing out a trophy then taking it straight back. Dead or Alive 4 hand you zero when you lose 5 or 10 Xbox live games  in a row. Just to remind you what a LOSER you are. At least give 1 point for trying? If you are going to be patronizing, then I ain't going to play you again or fork out my hard earned money on some game to remind me I'm a loser. Superman Returns handed out a zero for using a cheat. The cheats were so complicated and you had to enter it at an obscure menu screen, you should deserve points for even trying!

It is just human nature that people love getting something for nothing. This is why the internet is popular because you can get a lot for free. Why celebrities love free goody bags at swish events even though they can afford what's in the bag a million times over. Us achievement addicts love getting achievements for just like shooting an alien bug 100 times, even if its for 5 points!

So Mr Developer, if you are considering putting a zero achievement on your next game, we ain't buying. I'd rather play a game and get 5 points for bouncing a tennis ball than get nothing for a game to call me a cheat. I get enough of that already from my friends list.   

Nice Xbox 360 Faceplate

My friend's son, who is 12, bought me an Xbox 360 faceplate for my birthday. Now to put this into perspective, you need to visualize my set up. I have a  black 42" Flatscreen HD TV with a black amplifier , black satellite box and my black Xbox Elite all set in a black cabinet. That's right, everything is BLACK.

I actually would have not minded if he bought me something decent. Halo 3 or Mass Effect or even Transformers faceplate, I could live with. But Viva Pinata! You got to be kidding me. Check out the pic I've posted. I kid you not. 
I am totally absolute sure he is messing with me. Maybe he is paying me back for giving him those lousy unwanted games, who knows. Whatever, he is very clever for a 12 year old, and I have to be a bit more sly.

Now why do I bother? Well since I broke up with my last girlfriend (she wouldn't let me play my Xbox), I quite fancy his mum. Trouble is, he knows it. So I have been sticking on the faceplate whenever they both drop around. She is of course is oblivious, and thinks I love it.
But here is the crunch. Fell asleep playing A Train HX the other night and forgot to take it off. Woke up with a knock at the door. A mate turns up with a friend who wants to check out my flatscreen. "What the...?" my mate says "Are you 12?" My face just drops. Right in the middle of my all black entertainment set up, that stupid faceplate! "Doh!"

Stupid Xbox HD DVD Player

That's right. I one of the many (suckers) who purchased a Xbox HD DVD player. Now it all makes sense why Microsoft never included a HD DVD drive into the console in the first place or in the Elite. Why? Because someone in Toshiba obviously hinted that it will become a brick.

Am I bitter about it? Well considering I purchased one wanting the full HD entertainment experience for a small price, I am wasn't too fussed. Until I walked into my local Blockbuster and they have not one HD. It's all Blu-ray. All retailers. Nothing. No one stocks them anymore.

So what HD DVD's do I have to experience the thrilling detail of High Definition? One. I only purchased one in my lifetime. Exotic Saltwater Aquarium. That's right. Fish swimming in a tank. So I guess my player will become a brick. Holding up my Blu-ray stand.

Xbox 360 Game Rage

Occasionally. Very occasionally, I have been guilty of Game Rage. I have never ever actually experienced road rage or computer rage, but game rage, very slight. It borders on frustration, but lingers towards anger. 

What drives me mad? When you spend two days on a boss fight and still getting nowhere. When you start mumbling expletive's under your breath, cursing the game developers and asking who in their right mind would think of such a level. From mumbling, you move on to louder cursing and then shouting "what sadistic .......(insert chosen insult) would stick a checkpoint so far away?" (Capcom are notorious for this. Lost Planet and Dead Rising to name two games) 

Yes, I have been down that road. But then I sit back and think. Actually if I where a game developer, I would do the same. Make the boss almost impossible. Make the boss do incredible moves and the checkpoint way over there. Like way over. That will drive them mad. In fact when you die, stick a message to pop up on the reloading screen with "Anger Management Call 1-800-ANGER "

Achievement Playground Fight

There's a similarity with Xbox 360 achievement battles and with the school playground. When I was at school, I remember getting into a fight over these X-Men trading cards with a boy named Barney Kaufmann. He was way bigger than me. Still, didn't stop me taking a swing at him.

It started after school, near the bike shed. I was flicking through another boy's Hulk collection, "Got it, got it, got it, got it, ain't got it, got it, got it"  when Barney stomps along and knocks all the cards out of my hand. "You ain't got Wolverine power up" he barked. " Have so!" I shouted. In truth, I lied. Told everyone the card was rare and kept it at home for safe keeping. " Prove it" he said. I just decided to go for it and took a huge windmill swing and a fight ensued over a card that didn't exist. Came home with deep scratch over my forehead, bruised arm and all my Batman cards ripped.

You see, I will always grow old, but never grow up. Was talking over Xbox Live comparing achievements with a friend. "Got it, got it, got it, ain't got it."  At least with Xbox achievements, you can't lie.

So Barney Kaufmann, you big fat bully, send me a friend request. Let's compare achievements and see "Who's da man!"

Pile of Shame Xbox Games

We all have them. A pile of Xbox 360 titles we never finished or would never play again, ever. Just sitting there. Staring at us. Some people trade them in or hock them off to eBay. I personally hand them to my friend's son. He is 12 and he has such excellent titles like King Kong, Avatar, Eragon, etc. Games that no one would actually buy but if it wasn't for achievements.

I also pass off games that have tried to get achievements, but failed miserably. Over-G Fighters, Star Trek Legacy. Yeah, you guessed it. He has a right pile of crap from me. Now being 12, I thought he would be overjoyed at ANY game I pass to him. Buzz! Wrong answer. At first he was being polite, now he just gives a look and says "get real" Yes he knocked back A Train HX. A free $60 (£40) game he rejects. Why the little....

Lately he has been asking for easy achievement games. He also has a achievement battle just like us grown ups. "Get your own games" I say to him.